I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
