We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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