Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize