YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
