He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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