so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
