I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
