I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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