hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
