Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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