Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
