It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
