so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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