It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Help me help you realize you are a moron
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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