all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Im part way to drunk.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
