READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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