Acid is not a monday night drug
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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