you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
