Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I have aggressive nipples.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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