Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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