I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
