I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
