I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
