Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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