So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
