...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
