were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
