We won't sleep together?
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Is it penis luge time yet?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
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