I could have mohawked her pubes.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
