but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
