Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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