Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
