I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
she looked like the before picture.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
