According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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