Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
