Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
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