How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
