you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
