Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
