if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
