I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
