I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
