Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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