This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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