tell your sister to shave her snatch
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
