i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
