I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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