They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
