its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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