I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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