So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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