I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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