I think my fart just growled at me.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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