boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
