Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
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