I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I'm getting married
To pizza
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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