I don't usually arrange sex via text message
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
