Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
