I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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