no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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