Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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