Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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