Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
