There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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