Ambien. No doubt about it.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
