Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
