The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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