you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
