If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Success! We fucked roommates!
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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