I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
