Soap is not a condiment
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
