I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
