She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
