I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize
