oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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