woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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