I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
My dick has a subreddit
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
