Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
