In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
