at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
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