I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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