I wish I could punch you in the face.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
