and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
