I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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