Whats the glycemic index on semen?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
