Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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