Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
