I wish my penis had an off switch
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
