when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
