And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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