I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
