Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
