k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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