Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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