accomplished twins. life is a go
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
