Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
